True Lies

A truth that's told with bad intent beats all the lies you can invent. -- William Blake

If psychologists know anything about infidelity it is that infidelity is seldom just about sex.

Infidelity is just a symptom of deeper, more serious underlying problems in the relationship.

Yes, just a symptom. Just as a stuffy nose could be about a cold coming on, or that squealing sound from your car could be about the brakes. Symptoms tell us there is a problem needing attending to. If you have a sore throat you should rest, drink fluids and maybe take some aspirin. If you press on through, chances are your cold will be twice as bad. Likewise, if you ignore the sound coming from your car, you risk having a major problem and cause greater damage to your car than if you took it to the mechanic right away.


So why are partners unfaithful to each other? There are as many reasons as there are people. Each of us is wired slightly differently and each of us breaks down slightly differently. The issue here is not to blame or focus narrowly on the indiscretion, but to search for the root or roots of the problems, and then to do something about it! That "something" is typically very much within our own control.

John Gray, PhD, best known for Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus sums it up elegantly. Men primarily need trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval and encouragement. Women, on the other hand primarily need caring, understanding, respect, devotion, validation and reassurance.

When these basic six bio-psychological needs are met, most "normal" people are generally satisfied and would not have much reason to be looking for love in all the wrong places. A little regular bedroom action is nice too, but its not the most critical ingredient! When these needs are not fulfilled, we can become dissatisfied and resentful in our relationships.

We can fix our relationships with another only by working on improving ourselves. By better self-care, self-realization, mindfulness and peace within ourselves, we might start to find peace with those around us.


Disclaimer: The above applies to 99.9% of the population. If your name is Bill Clinton, Kobe, or Tiger Woods, you wasted your time reading this. You have special rights: rights to probe every fake breasted dumb bimbo that offers herself to you with impunity!