True Lies

A truth that's told with bad intent beats all the lies you can invent. -- William Blake

If psychologists know anything about infidelity it is that infidelity is seldom just about sex.

Infidelity is just a symptom of deeper, more serious underlying problems in the relationship.

Yes, just a symptom. Just as a stuffy nose could be about a cold coming on, or that squealing sound from your car could be about the brakes. Symptoms tell us there is a problem needing attending to. If you have a sore throat you should rest, drink fluids and maybe take some aspirin. If you press on through, chances are your cold will be twice as bad. Likewise, if you ignore the sound coming from your car, you risk having a major problem and cause greater damage to your car than if you took it to the mechanic right away.


So why are partners unfaithful to each other? There are as many reasons as there are people. Each of us is wired slightly differently and each of us breaks down slightly differently. The issue here is not to blame or focus narrowly on the indiscretion, but to search for the root or roots of the problems, and then to do something about it! That "something" is typically very much within our own control.

John Gray, PhD, best known for Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus sums it up elegantly. Men primarily need trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval and encouragement. Women, on the other hand primarily need caring, understanding, respect, devotion, validation and reassurance.

When these basic six bio-psychological needs are met, most "normal" people are generally satisfied and would not have much reason to be looking for love in all the wrong places. A little regular bedroom action is nice too, but its not the most critical ingredient! When these needs are not fulfilled, we can become dissatisfied and resentful in our relationships.

We can fix our relationships with another only by working on improving ourselves. By better self-care, self-realization, mindfulness and peace within ourselves, we might start to find peace with those around us.


Disclaimer: The above applies to 99.9% of the population. If your name is Bill Clinton, Kobe, or Tiger Woods, you wasted your time reading this. You have special rights: rights to probe every fake breasted dumb bimbo that offers herself to you with impunity!

Black or White?

Eleanor Roosevelt said: "Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people."


How many times have we got into a disagreement with someone over an idea, event, or person? Why is it that we just cannot agree about what really happened?

But wait a second! What if both sides are true? Is it possible to see the same thing differently when you look at it from another angle?

I would like you to take a look at the following 2 minute clip that makes this point beautifully.

http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/derek_sivers_weird_or_just_different.html

And remember, the ability to empathize with an opposing viewpoint is a sure sign of a great mind. This does not mean that we have to completely agree.

So, let's stop fighting over right or wrong, good or bad, black or white and start spending more energy on the stuff that really fulfills us.

I would rather spend my time on things like: the starlit sky on a dark desert night, full moons, going for a walk in the woods on a slightly drizzly day, the chirping morning birds, the sounds of the ocean and the laughter of little kids.

Because, life is too short to waste even a second.

Lets Talk About Sex

Valentines Day is a celebration of love, romance, chocolate, candy, flowers, red, hearts, warmth. Its about friendship and caring. But why am I feeling so horny? Wait a minute: something about the letter V has a sensual connotation. Vigor, vitality, vivacious, viva, virility, velvet, Viagra, Levitra....the list goes on.

Lets cut to the chase: at our evolutionary core, we have to constantly think about "doing it". Call it mating, intercourse, or love-making. We are animals. Preservation and propagation of our DNA is our most important responsibility. Every species procreates to survive so that its future generations can continue to populate the earth. The smartest and fittest will survive.

Healthy sex is all about sharing of emotional closeness through physical interaction. It is a freely chosen, respectful, playful expression of love and generally monogamous. It is healthy when we are conscious of consequences and responsible enough to handle them.

Its health benefits are numerous: from improving the health of your heart, to easing pain, to enhancing mental health, to regulating hormone balance. For women, regular intercourse helps maintain a healthy tissue lining of the vagina. this helps ward off urinary infections and delay the onset of urinary incontinence. For men, it may be important for prostate health. To top it off, marital happiness correlates strongly with frequency of intercourse!

So whether its Valentine' s day or any other day, try to get some action. Its for your own good! Ladies don't assume that its just for your man and you can use it as a carrot or "cut him off" depending on your whim. Do it for yourself. Do it early and often.

Because if you don't use it, you lose it!