True Lies

A truth that's told with bad intent beats all the lies you can invent. -- William Blake

If psychologists know anything about infidelity it is that infidelity is seldom just about sex.

Infidelity is just a symptom of deeper, more serious underlying problems in the relationship.

Yes, just a symptom. Just as a stuffy nose could be about a cold coming on, or that squealing sound from your car could be about the brakes. Symptoms tell us there is a problem needing attending to. If you have a sore throat you should rest, drink fluids and maybe take some aspirin. If you press on through, chances are your cold will be twice as bad. Likewise, if you ignore the sound coming from your car, you risk having a major problem and cause greater damage to your car than if you took it to the mechanic right away.


So why are partners unfaithful to each other? There are as many reasons as there are people. Each of us is wired slightly differently and each of us breaks down slightly differently. The issue here is not to blame or focus narrowly on the indiscretion, but to search for the root or roots of the problems, and then to do something about it! That "something" is typically very much within our own control.

John Gray, PhD, best known for Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus sums it up elegantly. Men primarily need trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval and encouragement. Women, on the other hand primarily need caring, understanding, respect, devotion, validation and reassurance.

When these basic six bio-psychological needs are met, most "normal" people are generally satisfied and would not have much reason to be looking for love in all the wrong places. A little regular bedroom action is nice too, but its not the most critical ingredient! When these needs are not fulfilled, we can become dissatisfied and resentful in our relationships.

We can fix our relationships with another only by working on improving ourselves. By better self-care, self-realization, mindfulness and peace within ourselves, we might start to find peace with those around us.


Disclaimer: The above applies to 99.9% of the population. If your name is Bill Clinton, Kobe, or Tiger Woods, you wasted your time reading this. You have special rights: rights to probe every fake breasted dumb bimbo that offers herself to you with impunity!

Black or White?

Eleanor Roosevelt said: "Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people."


How many times have we got into a disagreement with someone over an idea, event, or person? Why is it that we just cannot agree about what really happened?

But wait a second! What if both sides are true? Is it possible to see the same thing differently when you look at it from another angle?

I would like you to take a look at the following 2 minute clip that makes this point beautifully.

http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/derek_sivers_weird_or_just_different.html

And remember, the ability to empathize with an opposing viewpoint is a sure sign of a great mind. This does not mean that we have to completely agree.

So, let's stop fighting over right or wrong, good or bad, black or white and start spending more energy on the stuff that really fulfills us.

I would rather spend my time on things like: the starlit sky on a dark desert night, full moons, going for a walk in the woods on a slightly drizzly day, the chirping morning birds, the sounds of the ocean and the laughter of little kids.

Because, life is too short to waste even a second.

How do you want to die?

Most of us would like to have a long health-span: being highly functioning, mentally and physically active, strong robust individuals and then when it comes time to checkout, to rapidly fall apart and evaporate.

In reality, a lot people in the Westernised world work till their mid-sixties and then very slowly and painfully deteriorate with creaking joints, failing memory and senses, slowing intestines, limp genitals, winding up in the nursing home for a few years followed by the ICU for a few weeks or months, and from there on to the grave.

What if we could increase our health-span by a few decades? Not necessarily to live longer to but to post-pone the decay so that it starts later?

This is the promise of regular exercise, calorie restriction and stress management. By being physically active and eating only till we are 75%-80% full and managing stress, we can surely push back the decline. Add a little omega 3 fatty acids, Aspirin and vitamin D, and now we may be onto something! Early studies with Resveratrol ( from the peel of red grapes) are showing promise for potentially powerful benefits.

And when it comes time to check out, bidding farewell with a big bang and a smile would make for a happy ending after all!